Magic-Heat: Luther Head smartly spent 9:36 on the court tonight accruing a suck differential of +5 via two bricks (one from downtown), one giveaway and two fouls.The Steel Soundtrack: From Dan B: "The other day I was browsing the bargain CDs at Half Price Book & Music Exchange. (You know it's the bargain rack when the first CD you see is Creed). And what did I see plastered above it? Yep, Shaq in a goofy-ass metal outfit. (What his picture is doing hanging out next to Joni Mitchell, I don't know.)"
Bucks-Nets: Damon Jones has amped up his anti-game since being left off of the All-Lacktion roster, earning a +3 in 6:08 by tossing a brick from downtown, giving the rock up once, and taking a foul.
Grizzlies-Warriors: Marco Belinelli paid tribute to a fellow Italian who is well known in the video gaming community, notching a 15-second Mario for Don Nelson's squad.
Labels: Al Harrington, Corey Maggette, deceptive stats, Devin Harris, fan submissions, Golden State Warriors, J.J. Redick, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, Vince Carter, Worst of the Night
James Posey's performance Friday night in MSG against the New York D'Antoni's was nothing short of WotW worthy.I do think. Hey, remember, it was the Basketbawful gang that started this "Posey sucks!" chant at the United Center a few years back. Anyway, check out the video and you'll see that, unless you spent the weekend playing Whac-A-Mole with your head, Posey's "bounce pass that hit his foot" excuse falls right below "Forest Gump" on the retarded scale.
In the midst of digging themselves from a seven-point halftime lead into a 12-point hole, the Hornets' 6th man decided to take over the game by putting the ball in his own hands...then, chucking it in the general vicinity of referee Gary Zielinski's NBA-issue, um, black shoes.
The Auto Parts King whistled him for a loose ball foul, prompting "Pose" to execute the toss. He was then tossed on just one technical, which is itself deserving of an honorary Voskuhl.
Al Harrington thinks that's a boneheaded play.
The Hornets folded in the 4th, and Posey drew a 1-game suspension, meaning he misses Sunday's game vs. the Spurs.
Perhaps even better than the ejection was Posey's explanation for the tantrum: the old "if-I-had-shot-him-he'd-be-dead" defense.
"It was a bounce pass that hit his foot that came back to me," Posey said. "It goes on a lot at games, guys giving the ball back to the ref, and like I said, if I was to throw it at him, I think I've got better aim than that."
Really? So it wasn't Posey who shot 4-for-29 from 3-point land in his last 8 games, and 15-for-57 overall? I suppose I could be mistaking him for a number of players on the Hornets' sucktastic bench.
It's great to see this gritty, tough-nosed, 2-time NBA champion keep his composure for a struggling squad, especially with two injured starters (Stojakovic and Chandler), don't you think?
Bucks-Magic: Tyronn Lue was released from the humidor tonight for a 2:58 stint as human victory cigar, and gave Shaq's Least Favorite Coach In The History Of The Universe a suck differential of +2 via block against and brick. He wasn't the only marginally productive member of the Magic, as Tony Battie's singular assist in 15:43 could not circumvent a Madsen-level Voskuhl of 3:2 (fouls against two boards and two bricks).
Bobcats-Sixers: Charlotte's Cartier Martin charted a comatose course through the court tonight, tossing a brick from downtown for a +1 suck differential in 3:51. Donyell Marshall gave the Sixers a +2 in 3:18 via a missed three and a foul.
Wolves-Cavs: Tarence Kinsey sharpened his claws tonight and scratched off a 1.25 trillion ticket for the Crabs, continuing to build up his reputation as a first-name basis lacktator in the same vein as Jake and Mario!
Lakers-Nets: While Josh Powell filled 4:50 with a +3 comprised of a foul, giveaway, and brick (also good for a 2:0 Voskuhl), the real story on the Lakers bench was Phil Jackson's latest human victory cigar, Shannon Brown. Apparently Mr. Brown wanted win his way to Samus Aran's heart, as he blasted out a 15-second Mario.
Meanwhile, Chris Douglas-Roberts has become the only player of note on the Vinsomniac Nets, spending 4:52 on the court by giving up the ball twice and fouling once for a +3.
Celtics-Hawks: Solomon Jones wisely added to his savings account tonight with a 5.3 trillion.
Clippers-Spurs: Marcus Camby is not credited with a near-three trillion, due to injury.
Nuggets-Mavs: Yay, Johan Petro got starting time, 12:20 to be exact. So he promptly tried to be productive with a block and a board. That's nice - but five fouls, one giveaway, and one brick later...he ended up with a rather vehement Voskuhl of 6:1! Petro's teammate Renaldo Balkman bought into his role as George Karl's lacktator of the evening, going +3 in 11:51 through fouls (and nothing else).
Pacers-Bulls: Maceo Baston took a brush and basted his 2:26 of lacktivity with a buttery missed field goal and giveaway for a +2 suck differential.
And while not scoring a Voskuhl or any lacktivity tonight, Roy Hibbert's four-rejection performance is reminiscent of the experience most awkward teenagers deal with in high school before the Christmas dance.
Knicks-Bobcats: Eddy Curry tried to spice up his 2:20 with a rebound, only to find himself scoring a 3:1 Voskuhl via fouls!
On the home team's end of things, Larry Brown got to light up two human victory cigars tonight. Juwan Howard took a foul for a +1 in 2:12, while Cartier Martin traveled through the Mushroom Kingdom during his 21 second Mario!
Bucks-Heat: Damon Jones' ability to lack it up in the playoffs is well documented, but he hasn't been as consistent in non-contribution during the regular season. But at Miami, he bricked twice from downtown in 3:17 for a +2. Fellow Milwaukee baller Francisco Elson keyed up a bit of a Voskuhl in 15:07, going 4:3 (three fouls and a giveaway against one field goal and one rebound).
Yakhouba Diawara was firmly attached to the bench tonight, forcing the Heat to seek out new sources of somnambulance. Chris Quinn had one mighty turnover for a +1 in 2:16.
Clippers-Rockets: James White had a non-descript +1 in 4:29 via brick.
Warriors-Nuggets: Stephen Jackson reloaded his financial arsenal with a 1.7 trillion.
Lakers-Hawks: Solomon Jones continues his keen decision making for Atlanta with a 2.25 trillion!Tax cheats: Year after year, I feel like a schmuck for filing an honest tax return, especially when I read stories like the one about the lady who tried to deduct a tricked-out hot tub with "underwater speakers, mood lighting and an in-tub stereo" for medical reasons. Then there was the lady who donated $40,000 worth of her ex-husband's worldly belongings -- otherwise known as "everything he owned" -- and then wrote it off without getting audited. And I happen to know about a guy who makes around $80K per year playing online poker and declares exactly $0 of it. I can only hope that something large and violent rises from the sea and eats these people.
Nets-Wolves: Mark Madsen got a not-so-Madsen-level Voskuhl of 4:0 in 3:17 via three fouls and a giveaway! And with the lack of shot attempts or boards, this was also good for a +4 suck differential.
He wasn't the only member of McFail's Navy to sink against the currents of contribution, as Jason Collins put up one of the aforementioned Madsen-level Voskuhls in 23:07 -- a ratio of 6:5 via three fouls and three giveaways against two made field goals and a board.
Sixers-Pistons: Donyell Marshall scored a brick from downtown as well as a foul for +2 in 3:24.
Wizards-Pacers: Josh McRoberts earned a King Koopa action figure in his happy meal tonight, garnering a 23-second Mario.
Spurs-Hornets: Kurt Thomas had three rebounds and a steal in 17:25, only to negate that with a particularly large Voskuhl of 6:3 via five fouls, one giveaway and a brick. Also commemorating bad big man play was Melvin Ely, spending 2:23 on the floor with a brick and foul for a 2:0 Voskuhl, good enough for a +2 suck differential as well.
Suns-Kings: As the Suns fail to take advantage of the Mavs' recent slump - losing in the California capitol of bad basketball - Alando Tucker baked two bricks, once from the Denny's at J and Third Streets, for a +2 in 4:13. And Robin Lopez has responded to his non-selection to the All-Lacktion Team with well-executed avoidance of clutch play, earning a Madsen-level Voskuhl of 1:0 via brick, foul, and rejection. This also notched him a +3 in 2:44.
Calvin Booth was dialed in tonight for the purple paupers with three fouls in 4:21, enough to give him a 3:1 Voskuhl against one solitary board.
Labels: Worst of the Weekend
:28.9 PHO - J. Richardson defensive reboundShaq vs Pryzbilla, stat of the night: 2. Apparently, tonight revealed the 2nd drama altercation involving Shaq stuffing a basketball in the Vanilla Godzilla's face (sorry, this poor video is the only one I could find of the first incident, even though they repeatedly showed it on TNT last night). Sir Charles mentions that "Vanilla Gorilla" would be scary if he played on a good team. Double iceburn.
:12 PHO - Confused players still passing the ball around
:09 PHO - J. Richardson receives pass, facepalms incompetent bench players, attempts to create shot off the dribble
:06.5 PHO - Offensive foul on J. Richardson
:01.7 POR - R. Fernandez makes a 6-foot FULL SPEED ABSURD fade away jumper in the lane. Assist: S. Rodriguez
:00.4 PHO - J. Richardson lobs ball lazily to midcourt for G. Dragic, morale of the Suns clearly broken
:00.4 POR - R. Fernandez steals the ball from J. Richardson
:00.1 POR - R. Fernandez makes a 25-foot three-pointer from the right wing
:00.0 End of 3rd Quarter
:00.0 PHO - Forced to stick their hands into the steaming pile of crap to retrieve their gameplan for another quarter
Lakers-Pistons: Shannon Brown has reached the Tao of Finance with a two trillion! Meanwhile, Detroit's Walter Sharpe edged off or away from the rim three times -- once from downtown, twice from the charity stripe -- for a suck differential of +3 in 2:35.About the author: AnacondaHL is the Chief Internet Media Relations and Security Officer for Basketbawful and a grizzled Internet veteran who watches in despair as his favorite team, the Phoenix Suns, drop their chances lower and lower to make the '09 playoffs. When not wasting time at his Clark Kent job to read BasketBawful, he can be found playing the Internet computer game du jour, Googling questionably NSFW phrases, wondering why the Diamonbacks have seven team colors, and browsing other obscure things on the Internet. He hopes someday to learn four languages, discover a completely un-theorized particle of quantum physics (and would obviously name it after myself, not something stupid like Y(4140)), name the largest number in the world after himself, have an intelligent conversation about anime with someone, and to eat a crab grown in Akron.
Heat-Bulls: This critical battle between two borderline playoff teams featured extensive challenges of lacktivity from both squads. For Miami, James Jones missed two shots (once from behind the arc) and fouled three times for a +5 in 8:00 flat, while Chris Quinn (1.5 trilion) and All-Lacktion selection Yakhouba Diawara (1.3 trillion) have protected themselves from the economic crisis. And Jamaal Magloire's three rebounds and steal in 10:24 were countered with a brick, a giveway, and three fouls for a Madsen-level 4:3 Voskuhl.
The Notorious VDN actually had another opportunity to unleash human victory cigars tonight, having Linton Johnson snag a +1 via brick in 1:31.
Suns-Blazers: Sure, Joel Pryzbilla made a shot and even had an assist and steal in his 28:01 as Portland's starting big man. But with no further shot attempts and only one rebound, he ended up with a 4:3 Madsen-level Voskuhl via three fouls and a giveaway!
Randolph laughed when I asked him if he felt the Knicks made a mistake in trading him away.Them's some mighty big words there, Z-Bo. And they might contain a small kernal of truth if NBA players weren't also expected to play defense during the course of a game.
"Yeah," he said with a big smile beaming. "It was definitely a mistake."
But the decision was an obvious one. The Knicks wanted to dump Randolph's contract off the 2010-11 payroll (and also moved Jamal Crawford that day) to make room for a big play in free agency in 2010. The LeBronathon has lost some steam since then, but Randolph says he thinks it could happen.
"It's gonna be interesting," he said.
If they wind up with LeBron, Zach says he can understand moving him. But Chris Bosh?
"I'm better than Chris Bosh," he said.
Told that line will make headlines, Zach gave a dismissive wave and said, "I'd tell him to his face."
I know that this is a mega post already, but I just wanted to point out the sequence that occurred at the end of the Bobcats-Wizards game.I'd also like to give a little extra wag of the finger to the 'Cats, who supposedly are fighting for that last playoff spot. You don't make the postseason by losing to the worst team in your conference during the stretch run.
With 1:23 left in the game the Wiz were up 4 and looking to wrap up the game. The Wizards secure an offensive rebound and promptly turn the ball over and foul Raymond Felton. With the possibility of closing the gap to 2 points, Raymond bricks both free throws and the Wiz call time out.
The Wizards then can't carry out a simple inbound play and turn the ball over. The Bobcats are feeling generous and give the ball right back. What is the next play you ask? Mike James manages to catch the inbound pass and dribbles into a double team resulting in a turnover.
The Bobcats call a time out and once play resumes get a miss match of Nick Young (a guard) guarding Boris Diaw (a forward), the end result as you can guess is that Young stuffs Diaw's jump hook, retrieves the ball and gets fouled. Young hits both free throws and the Wiz are up 6.
The Wiz are now in control and just need to not foul and hit free throws to secure their 17th win. What do they do? They foul DJ Augustin and he hits both free throws, 4 point game. Washington calls time out and advances the ball to half court.
After discussing strategy (one would hope) in the huddle, the Wizards turn the ball over on the inbound play (that's the 3rd time in less than 2 minutes). The Bobcats score and it's 2 point game. The Wizards promptly turn the ball over again.
The Bobcats do not want the Wiz's charity and Gerald Wallace misses a lay-up. The Wizards can finally put the game out of reach by making 2 free throws with 13 seconds left. The veteran Antawn Jamison steps to the line and calmly bricks one of the two to keep Charlotte in the game down by just 3.
Coming out the timeout Gerald Wallace drives to the hoop, if he doesn't get fouled and scores it's a one point game with 6 seconds left and the Wizards almost assured of a win. Wallace gets hit by Dominic McGuire in mid air and makes the hoop, giving himself the chance to tie the game with the coming free throw. At this point I knew that there was no way in hell he was going to hit that shot and something spectacularly awful was going to happen.
Wallace takes his time and sets up at the free throw line...he doinks it hard off the back of the rim. The Wizards can't secure the rebound and the ball gets volleyballed around until Emeka Okeafor gets the ball and misses a tough layup. Of course no one bothered to block out Diaw and he comes flying untouched to retrieve the ball in mid air. Instead of hitting the game winning put back from point blank range, the frenchman airballs his layup attempt. The Wiz get the ball with .3 seconds left and Jamison misses the second free throw on purpose and the game is over.
That was the worst 1:23 of basketball I have ever seen, it took me hours to clean up the vomit from my couch after watching this gut churning Bawfulness.
Heat-Pacers: Daequan Cook fried up a brick for a +1 suck differential in 6:10 of playing time for the Heat.
Meanwhile, Indianapolis native Josh McRoberts gave the home fans a statline to sleep on -- one brick, block against, and foul each for a +3 in 4:15.
Bobcats-Wizards: Oleksiy Pecherov stopped saying "nyet" to lacktivity with a solid return to form in 6:02, bricking once from downtown and fouling twice for a +3.
Meanwhile, DeSagana Diop provided Charlotte a 4:3 Madsen-level Voskuhl (two each of giveaways and fouls against three boards) in 14:31.
Bucks-Raptors: While Patrick O'Bryant stayed in his warm-ups, the youngest member of the Little Three of Lacktivity put on a sideshow for the Paleolithic. Nathan Jawai waved a Power Glove at the crowd with his 34-second Mario!
Nets-Cavs: Tarence Kinsey had faded from his fine non-contributory play in recent games, but is back on track with a tax return processed in Quicken that was worth 1.7 trillion!
Wolves-Sixers: Bobby Brown was randomly placed as a starter by Kevin McHale, but unlike most bench jockeys forced into the anti-lacktive position of starting, he reached all the right notes in continuing to lack it up in his 9:19 stint. One turnover and two bricks provided the melody for a +3.
Spurs-Hawks: Gregg Popovich took the opportunity presented by a late-game thwacking of the Hawks to bring out two renowned human victory cigars. Fabricio Oberto did get credit for a board, but three fouls in 6:41 paved the way for a 3:1 Voskuhl! Meanwhile, former trillionaire champion Bruce Bowen's renaissance as a lacktator continues with a one-giveaway +1 in 4:09.
Clippers-Knicks: You know it's a strange night at the Garden when 275 points are scored, and the Clippers' starting center Marcus Camby didn't even factor into any of them - but got just enough rebounds to negate a potential Voskuhl! Stranger still, Mike Dunleavy got the chance to have Steve Novak play as the human victory cigar, bricking from behind the arc for a +1 in 7:01 -- meaning that he was the only other player to not contribute a single point.
Celtics-Magic: Bill Walker probably wishes he had been called up earlier in the season, as he is making a case to be one of the emerging star lacktators this year -- fouling twice for a +2 in 3:12 tonight. Meanwhile, Shaq's least favorite coach in the history of the universe got to relish a win over the defending NBA champions with human victory cigar JJ Redick, who earned 1.5 trillion.
Nuggets-Hornets: Jason Hart checked into Hotel Mario for a 36-second stay!
Warriors-Mavs: Matt Carroll sang a tune of two bricks (once from downtown) for a +2 in 4:02.