Sometimes being a coach means having to demonstrate to your players how to escape from a Chinese finger trap
Sorry I got this posted a little later than usual. My Clark Kent job was a little stressful this week and I haven't gotten enough sleep because I am an idiot and am good at misjudging priorities and...
Oh, okay. Sorry.
Worst of the Night in Pictures
Wladimir Klitschko's promoter is on the phone right now with Burnie the Mascot's people for a PPV card
Invisible upright bass
"So... hungry... Must avoid... temptation... to eat... this basketball..."
Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Lakers at Magic, ESPN, 8:00pm:
The Lakers are 1-5 on the road this season. Where have you gone, Phil Jackson? Laker nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
Timberwolves at Clippers, 10:30pm:
The Clippers are looking to win their eight consecutive home game. Did Biff steal the DeLorean again and we are in some crazy alternate timeline like Back to the Future 2
All The Other Friday Games:
Hawks at 76ers, 7:00pm:
The Al Horford-les Hawks' wounded tiger phenomenon
gets put to the test. But it's still the Hawks so I can't get too excited or interested even if they are a good team.
Wizards Generals, 7:00pm:
Okay, it's the Generals. They're fresh off a win. Only two things can happen here. Either they show up motivated, or they show up lethargic as a tree sloth.
Trail Blazers at Craptors, 7:00pm:
No Bargnani again for the Craptors. Prepare the rollerskating fail video!
Suns at Celtics, 7:30pm:
Rondo is day-to-day with a sore wrist. Please please please let him play just so we are treated to a Rajon Rondo/Steve Nash matchup. That's all I ask as a fan of the point guard position.
Bulls at Cavaliers, 7:30pm:
Speaking of injuries, Derrick Rose is still plagued with a case of turf toe. ARGH. Is ANYONE in this league healthy?
Grizzlies at Pistons, 7:30pm:
You know, the Grizzlies have gone 6-3 since losing Z-Bo a couple weeks ago. Wasn't he responsible for a lot of their quality play last year, much to our genuine surprise? So what's going on now? Any Grizz fans out there who can fill us in?
Bucks at Knicks, 7:30pm:
The Deer in Headlights have suspended Stephen Jackson one game
for what they are describing as an “unexcused absence” from the team's morning shootaround. I dunno about that. Not being around the rest of the team's bad offense might be a good thing for him.
Kings at Spurs, 8:30pm:
The Purple Paupers are a dreadful road team and are starting a 4-game-in-6-nights stretch. Abandon all hope for an entertaining game.
Pacers at Warriors, 10:30pm:
Just to point out something from the Pacers' loss to the aforementioned Excremento: they were shut down in the 4th quarter by a zone defense. Why did it take so long for anyone to figure this out? The Pacers' shooting percentage has been pretty dreadful all season, and they're currently 27th in the league in that stat (though they are 7th in 3 point shooting percentage). Wouldn't it stand to reason that going zone and forcing Indiana to take more jumpers would likely be effective? I am far from a good basketball mind, so please correct me if I'm wrong in this line of thinking.
Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Nuggets at Knicks, NBA TV, 7:30pm:
To recap: the Knicks are coached by offensive-minded Mike D'Antoni and their roster includes Melo, Amar'e, and Tyson Chandler. Why can't they score any points??
All The Other Saturday Games:
Cavaliers at Hawks, 7:00pm:
Cleveland gets to play the Hawks right after playing the Bulls, then they get to go Tuesday and play a game in Miami and Wednesday in New York. That's it. The lockout shortened schedule is officially bawful.
Trail Blazers at Pistons, 7:30pm:
You know, you have to give the Pissed-Ons credit. They are dead last in points per game AND rebounds per game. It takes a certain kind of ineptitude to pull that one off.
76ers at Heat, 7:30pm:
I know, small sample size and everything, but just an interesting stat. As of right now, the Sixers' SRS stat according to basketball-reference.com (rating that takes into account average point differential and strength of schedule) is even higher than their '67 and '83 championship teams. Their Defensive Rating is 93.3 -- the lowest in team history. That's pretty impressive, even if it's only over a 14 game span.
Mavericks at Hornets, 8:00pm:
The Mavs will be playing without Vince Carter for a third straight game. Addition by subtraction?
Bobcraps at Bulls, 8:00pm:
Want to see tons and tons of mediocre to sad statistics? Take some time to read through the Bobkittens' page on Basketball Reference
. And remember that the best player in NBA history runs this team.
Spurs at Rockets, 8:00pm:
A random stat I enjoyed: the Spurs' worst win/loss percentage under Gregg Popovich is .610 -- no wonder there's talk about him being in consideration for the Olympic team by people like LeBron James. He's like the anti
Thunder at Nyets, 8:00pm:
The Thunder are fresh off a loss to the Generals. The GENERALS. If the don't come out looking for blood in this game, I will have lost all faith in humanity.
Kings at Grizzlies, 8:00pm:
I saw this on Twitter earlier today (I THINK JE Skeets retweeted it, can't remember for certain unfortunately). One of the worst basketball cards of all time, featuring Big Country Bryant Reeves
Timberwolves at Jazz, 9:00pm:
The Timberwolves are 27th in the league in assists per game despite having Ricky Rubio on their roster averaging 8 dimes a game. So what happens to the ball when it's not in his hands? (looks at roster) Oh. Yeah, I forgot. They're still the Timberwolves. A new and improved Timberwolves, but still the Timberwolves.
Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Wizards Generals, NBA TV, 1:00pm:
Why do the Generals keep making it on national TV? Are there people getting confused and thinking they're airing Harlem Globetrotters games? Should I start watching these games while looping that sweet Globetrotters song?
Yeah, this would definitely make Generals games more watchable
All The Other Sunday Games:
Craptors at Clippers, 3:30pm:
Basketbawful reader Cznerobog chimed in with the following zinger I have to share: "The Clippers will be in the finals. Source: Maian Calendar."
Bucks at Heat, 6:00pm:
This year's Milwaukee squad has the 7th worst SRS rating in team history. Just thought you might like to know that.
Bobcraps at Nyets, 6:00pm:
Well, I can pretty safely say this game won't be worth watching. So to spare you the pain, I'll recommend a Mystery Science Theater 3000
episode to watch instead. How about the classic The Pumaman
? It features Aztecs, sensible slacks, and Donald Pleasance. Here's a couple minutes of highlight if you aren't familiar with it.
"A Post-It note can sense danger better than this guy"
Pacers at Lakers, 9:30pm:
Okay, this might actually be a good way to end the hoops weekend.
Labels: Bawful After Dark