Those types of press conferences happen in Boston, not in Charlotte, though.  Does anyone even care that the Bobcats were awful last year?  Historically awful?  Or that the only version of Bobcats glory that Dunlap can ever refer back to is the 2009-10 first-round playoff exit, which occurred in the “one year that players listen to Larry Brown” phase of the Larry Brown cycle? (Or, as it’s also known, “one year before players tune out Larry Brown.”)

You already know that the Bobcats own the worst winning percentage in a single season in NBA history.  But here’s a couple more stats to show you how bad last year was:

            1) Exactly ONE player on the team shot over 50% from the field.  That player was Derrick Brown.

2) Despite the apparent multitude of (offensive) rebounding opportunities, no Bobcats player averaged over 5.8 rebounds

3) The team’s field goal percentage was so bad (41.4) that having Brandon Jennings on their roster last year would have actually IMPROVED their percentage.

Things won’t be getting better anytime soon.  Just check out their roster for next year.  One of the few nice things you can say about it (besides mentioning MKG of course) is that Ramon Sessions is a great fit, since he is terrible in the playoffs and won’t have to worry about that type of pressure in Charlotte.  But maybe Bobcats fans can take solace in the fact that their leadership has a strategic plan.  It’s a two-step plan that goes like this: (1) Do everything short of throwing games to ensure an awful win-loss record (2) Pray to whatever god gave Tim Duncan to the Spurs and Kevin Durant to the Thunder.

As Henry Abbott recently pointed out, this seems to be the default strategy of all former Thunder front office employees.  The Magic (run by former Presti-an Rob Hannigan) took a terrible trade for Howard because it makes more sense for them to be awful and hope for a franchise-changing draft pick than to swallow a max contract for Brook Lopez and lock themselves into first-round playoff exits (at best) for the next five years.  For the Bobcats and Magic, the 2012-13 marketing campaign is basically “Be the first to get on the 2020 bandwagon!”

To the Bobcats credit, they have found new and ingenious ways of setting up their team for failure.  Along with a middle-of-the-ACC-pack roster, they decided to hire Dunlap, whose previous gig was being an assistant at St. John’s.  Supposedly, Dunlap is a “coach’s coach” of sorts, a guy who is appreciated by those in the business, but unknown outside the coaching circles.  In other words, he’s great at developing talent, making instructional DVDs, and publishing coaching-related articles (including the 1987 gem “Basic Framework for Achieving Academic Eligibility for Your Players,” which North Carolina should have read.  Or maybe they did, and that’s the problem.)  He’s the perfect assistant coach, so of course he’s been given the head coaching job.  I can only assume he impressed Michael Jordan with his performance in one-on-one games against the other coaching candidates.

The cherry on top of this lottery-bound mess is the decision to allow the Democratic National Convention to take over the Bobcats home at exactly the same time that teams are beginning their training camps.  Instead of practicing in an NBA-appropriate facility, the Bobcats will spend the majority of September with two-hour-a-day access to the Johnson and Wales University gym.  To rephrase: an NBA franchise will be practicing for most of September in a gym belonging to a 2,500 student college.

Enjoy your rookie season, MKG.  It’ll get better in 2020.